Saint and I have started working on me being more comfortable receiving service from him. Like having him pleasure me orally just for my sake, massage my feet, hold things for me, fetching things for me etc. Little things, but they've been hard to me to accept. Hard, but good, because I feel like this is something I need to work on.
The other day, he first made me tea and then knelt at my feet. I used him as a footstool, while I read a book, ate some sandwiches and checked my phone. While it was going on, my mind was like a pendulum going back and forth between enjoying it tremendously and freaking out.
It got easier when I felt that he was relaxing and enjoying himself as well. It made me feel less selfish, less like I was taking advantage. And I did enjoy myself. It was submission and dominance, but in a calm almost zen-like manner. Not directly sexual (at least not to me), just very pleasant. Close, intimate, nice.
I want to do it again, if I get the chance. I just have to overcome my own insecurities each time, to actually suggest it. I'm working on that.
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