It's Thursdag the 12th of December. I'm at work, writing about this weekend I've just had with Swede. I've needed some time to digest it all.
Our time together was so intense. Challenging, difficult, chaotic, confusing. But also sexy, lovely, exciting, exhilarating and wonderful. I want to write about a couple of our play sessions specifically, but first I want to explain our conclusions. An ending, of sorts:
I really like Swede. I care about him deeply. I want to keep him in my life. But! I just can't have a third full-time partner. I don't have the time, or the energy, or the will to make the sacrifices and priorities needed. That fact that it would be long-distance makes it worse, but I don't think I could have done it even had he been local.
This makes me feel bad, because I care deeply for him. But I just can't do it. Not now, not in this phase of my life. There's too much else going on, plans I'm working on that will change my life in other ways. So Swede and I won't be having a continuous connection or a full-time relationship.
However, I hope that Swede will become a comet. A "comet" is a poly term that first showed up on Fetlife. It means "a person that passes through your life repeatedly who is intense and awesome, and when gone you are still in contact with that person in some way but they are not a continuous partner."
I hope I get to see Swede again. Maybe this summer. Or maybe in a year or two, at some party or other event. I don't know, we don't have any specific plans. But I hope I see him again. And I hope we hook up again, and have more breathtaking fun with BDSM. I want that.
I want him.