Friday, October 28, 2016

Fun with free tying

In the workshop a couple of weeks ago, we practiced free tying. Meaning doing shibari ground work, without any pattern, system or symmetry in mind. The goal in the workshop was erotic bondage, connection, and a D/s power dynamic. But if you aren't really confident in hitches, you rather need "lets practice hitches". Or it could be both.

Saint and I have done both these past few days.

Yesterday, we did free tying on his torso while we were both sitting on the bed. He was leaning back towards me, and it was all kinds of nice and close and hot. And like you'd expect, this derailed into play and pain and sexy stuff. Which is also fun.

(His body against mine, tensing as I hurt him. Pleading with me to hurt him more. His breath, heavy and labored, as I push a hand against his throat. Damn, he's sexy!)

Today, I did more of a pure practice run. I tried to figure out the things I did wrong yesterday, and practiced the kama hitch and the Munter's hitch. In the end, he had five lengths of rope criss-crossing from his shoulders to his thighs. No pattern, no symmetry, but a tight and nice tie.

When the free tying was done, I used the web of ropes to tie him to the bed. Then I tortured his feet, tickled him, caned his thighs, and teased his nipples. In the end, I sat on his face and made him come.

All in all: Two great days. We've had fun with free tying. Hopefully, we'll do it again sometimes soon.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Learning / experiencing

I've also participated in two workshops recently.

The workshops were done by Barkas and Addie, two very experienced shibari teachers. They hold similar workshops all over the world, and I really see why. They were fantastic! So knowledgeable, so helpful, so nice and funny, and surprisingly humble. I loved watching them tie, their dynamic was beautiful to see.

The first workshop was called "The Rope Interview", and concerned non-verbal communication and dynamics in rope. I went to this workshop with Saint, and I've never seen him "disappear" into a sub headspace that quickly. It was amazing! The workshop helped us take our rope play from a neutral "let's practice this knot"-dynamic to a clearer "dom/sub"-dynamic. We experienced how ropes can be play in itself, and not just a preamble to "proper" play.

Sure, we'll still have plenty of practice sessions. But it was fun to discover how much you could play with the sub's mind, using just a single rope.

The second workshop, on the very next day, was floorwork and basic suspension. I had a different rope bottom for this workshop. I was also really tired from the previous day, and I guess that made me more emotional. So whilst he was a really nice guy, and we got a decent dynamic when tying, it felt weird... I had all this development in my rope skills, these "aha!"-moments, and Saint wasn't there with me.

I learned a lot, though. Even if it was with the wrong guy. I learned a few new techniques. I've practiced some hitches, and learned a new one (the reverse munter's hitch aka kama hitch). And I've had fun with spontaneous, unplanned, non-symmetrical shibari. And I've done my first partial upside-down suspension, which was awesome (and scary).

As the workshop progressed, I just missed Saint more and more. That evening, there was a bondage party, and Saint wasn't really supposed to go. However, I managed to convince him to come anyway. We were both tired, but we had a fun time and the party. I got to show him a few of the new things I'd learned, and we had a really fun scene with bondage torture. He's becoming quite the masochist! I had great fun sucking his dick (which I love), and at the same time hurting his feet and toes in ways he's never before experienced. Pain and penis, two things I love that begin with P.

So yeah. Loved the workshops. Had a great time at the party. Adore rope bondage.

Love Saint.

Teaching / lecturing

Like I said in a previous post, this fall is full of learning experiences.

I've developed a workshop in basic rope bondage, and held it twice so far. The workshop had two goals:
1. They should know enough not to kill anyone in ropes.
2. They should know enough to be able to experiment further on their own. Ropes shouldn't be scary anymore.

The first time I did it, was in someone's living room. It was cramped and stressed, as it took longer than I thought it would, but people were happy. The second time went much better. I got exactly the positive, helpful, curious atmosphere I wanted. When the workshop was done, people were still experimenting, having fun and supporting each other's explorations into rope. It was great fun.

I've been asked to hold the workshop again in November, for a large BDSM organisation. For this workshop, I've gotten a friend to help me out so that we're two people who can walk around and help people. Saint is also looking into some more high tech solutions to enable people to see my ties better. Both these changes means we can accommodate more people.

T and I also held our aftercare workshop/lecture again, coupled with a newly developed lecture on pain. The pain lecture/workshop needs a bit more work, and maybe some more practical demonstrations/tasks to engage the audience, but it's a decent start. I hope we can hold it again sometime soon.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Intense, part two: Control

Swede (yeah, that's going to be his name now.) and I have kept chatting this past week. Last night we also spend a significant number of hours on Skype. And let me tell you, face-to-face communication (even through a webcam) is very different from written chat!

There is no doubt that I'm crushing on him. We have something, some connection or attraction, that is undeniable. I look forward to his messages throughout the day. I smile when I think of him. When I got to see him on cam last night, I felt a flutter in my stomach and couldn't help grinning. Yep, this is definitely a crush. I'm not sure I'm quite over Giant yet. It feels too soon, too sudden. Unasked for. But I don't have control over it, and I enjoy what's happening. So I won't fight it.

We still have a ways to go with the communication. He's still shy and uncertain, and probably not terribly aware of what goes on inside his own mind. This makes asking him what he feels or thinks about something a challenge. And we need to get to know each other better. But we're making progress.

We've been playing around with control and domination. He's triggering my submissive side in ways I didn't expect. I keep thinking about him and things he could do to me. And yesterday evening, chatting with him on Skype, was really intense.

We chatted for several hours, and we talked about everything from our family, to books we like, to politics. And we talked a lot about kink and sexy stuff. I don't even remember it all, and I'm uncertain of what parts came before or after what other parts. It's all a bit of a blur of naked bodies and laughter and touch and moaning.

But I remember two situations really well. The first was hot, but a bit absurd.

I asked if he'd ever had anyone kneel to him before. He said no, but also claimed he probably wouldn't like it much. So I placed the laptop on the table, and knelt down on the floor in front of it. Looking up on the camera, he could get an idea of what it would be like. His reaction was immediate and 100% positive. He got really turned on by looking at me on my knees. We kept playing around with this for a while. I put a small chair on the living room table, and placed the computer on top of that. This made the camera angle more realistic.

So there I was, kneeling naked in front of an absurd tower of furniture. And was turned on by it. I couldn't help but laugh, it just felt bizarre. But the image on my screen made his reaction obvious. I could clearly see how it turned him on.

The second situation was really, really intense.

Earlier in the evening, we'd been chatting and talking for awhile, and I was really turned on by it all. I got my vibrators out and started touching myself. I gave myself two orgasms while he was watching me on the webcam, and for an exhibtionist like myself that was highly enjoyable. After I've come, I always laugh (or cry, but that's very, very rare). It's a spontaneous reaction to the release, and I can't help myself. Besides, laughing feels nice, even when I can't control it.

Swede is curious and interested in the things I can't control. So while I was kneeling on the floor, he made up a rule he knew I was bound to break. (For no other reason than to be able to "punish" me for it.) I wasn't allowed to laugh when I came. Of course, this is absolutely impossible. I have no control over this. But it was a fun challenge, and I went along with it.

So later on that night, I got really horny again and started touching myself in front of the webcam. I was teasing myself, not really on the brink of anything, and I asked if I might be allowed to come. He told me "no". I begged him, and he told me "no".

You see, once I'm up on that brink, about to come, I don't handle denial at all. It doesn't turn me on, it just makes me frustrated and angry. I'm difficult enough to make come as it is! However, when I'm just petting and stroking myself, like I was doing then, a bit of tease and denial is just fine. So of course this denial just turned me on even more.

I asked again, and he said "yes". That's when I went to work for real. I was so horny, even with two orgasms earlier that night, making myself come was easy. And just as I came, I remembered his rule: "Don't laugh." I couldn't control myself at all the first couple of seconds, and laughed and trembled. But then I grabbed hold of myself, and started fighting. And it was a real fight. I had to use my own arm to gag myself, I trembled and my body shook wildly. It took every single bit of willpower that I possessed, but I was able to do it.

And here's the weird bit: I'd thought that having to fight against this automated response, would diminish my pleasure. That it would be annoying and distracting. It wasn't.

I've had some good orgasms in my life, and this one was up there with the best of them. Not because the orgasm itself was anything out of the ordinary (good, sure, but those I give myself are never as good as those others are able to give me). It was so amazing because of the fight to obey, to do good, to please him. It was a loop of pleasure, control and lack of control, and yet more pleasure.

It was really, really intense. Unexpected, weird, a bit scary. But so pleasurable, and so intense. Now I just want more.

I'm curious to see where this will lead.

Intense, part one: Sadism

Yesterday was intense, to say the least. Or.. It actually started on Friday. I got home from work, feeling cuddly, and Saint was happy to oblige.

So we were in bed, cuddling, and cuddling let to petting and kissing.. And kissing let to more cuddles, and all of a sudden I was really horny. I put his hand on my crotch, and he touched me just the way I like it. I wasn't particularly wet at this point, the hornyness was too new. It was still mostly in my mind.

Then I hurt him. And it was as though someone had squeezed a wet sponge between my legs. Instant wetness! My pussy opening up, like a budding flower. I laughed, thinking it was just a coincidence, and did it again. And again, the same result.

In the end, I made him finger me until I came. His fingers are glorious and magnificent, and probably made of magic and unicorns or something. Love them!

I'm a sadist, it is known. However, I've never before experienced such an instant and tangible reaction. His pain turned me on. His suffering turned me on. It felt glorious, and slightly disturbing. Abnormal.

Then again, yesterday, we played. This time with bondage, as well as some pleasure and pain. At the end of a rather long and intense session, I had him on his back in the bed. His wrists were tied to the bed posts, and I was sitting on his face. Dripping wet, his tongue doing what it does best.

Now, I enjoy face sitting because it makes me feel powerful and in control. But the cunnilingus itself isn't really that good in this position. It's nice and pleasant, but there is no way I can get even near an orgasm. For that, I must be able to relax. And I don't relax when I'm sitting on someone's face.

However, yesterday was different someone. No, I still didn't orgasm from it. But I got as close as I've ever come before. I sat there, and took pleasure for myself, in stead of just focus on giving pleasure to him. My own enjoyment took over most of the conscious, analytical part of my mind, and I just DID things. Almost no thought, no plan. Animalistic need. Hornyness.

What triggered this strong response in me? Pain. Again.
I hurt Saint, pinching his nipples and hitting the inside of his thighs with a cane. And his reaction, how he was obviously in pain and yet enjoying it, triggered something in me. I don't think I've ever gotten that turned on by someone else's reactions ever. We ended up in an amazing loop, where his pain created pleasure in him and in me, and this in turn intensified the pleasure the other person felt.

It was raw, amazing, intense. And a bit scary. I'm scared of my own reactions. I knew I could enjoy hurting someone, enjoy their reactions and responses, enjoy the control. But in my mind, this cold, analytical enjoyment (which also turns me on, just in a different way) is very, very different from the intense, primal hornyness I experienced this weekend. A hunger, a need for him. His body, his cock, his pleasure, his pain.

There was still a sliver of control left. I didn't hurt him too much. I didn't suffocate him. I knew enough to hold myself back, somewhat. And I hope that controlled, civilized, safefy-minded part of me never, ever goes away completely. However, I'm used to even more control than this. Control over myself, my own reactions, but own desires. The sadism feel so strong in me, it's like an unruly beast. One I've only just got a leash on, but who fights the handler with every step.

It feels scary. Exciting too. Titillating. Tempting. Sexy. But scary.