Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Suspesion, CBT and the Norwegian BDSM Conferance

Hmmm. I was in a pretty dark place when I wrote that previous blog entry... I'm not saying I wasn't telling the truth. I was, absolutely. But I might be somewhat more balanced positive/negative in my daily life. The negative side isn't ALWAYS winning.

I haven't been blogging much lately, so I have so catching up to do. It's not just over a month since I seriously started playing with Tight, and we've come quite a long way since we started out. Compared with my previous toy, Tight's progression is faster. I think that's partially because he's got more experience to begin with, and is more confident and sure of his own limits, and partially because I've grown in the last couple of years and gotten more experience and confidence as well.

Compared to my previous two toys, Corvus and Mondage, I feel much more sure of myself this time around. I feel more certain that I know what I'm doing (most of the time), I have more practical skills, more experience to draw on and more of an idea of where I want our relationship to go. I'm also much more clearly dominant this time around. With Mondage, it was bondage and some sadism, with only hints of dominance. With Corvus, my dominant side really developped. With Tight, it's really a combination of dominantion and all the rest, dominance being a clear and important part of our play.

About two weeks ago, I did my first ever proper suspension. I have tried it once before, with Corvus, but it was fairly unsafe and improvised, with bad ropes, bad anchor point and really not something I would recomend to anyone else. This time, with Tight, we used proper ropes, a good anchor point and a suspension ring to hang the rigging from. That's better.

Even though I've wached suspension done, and really studied it carefully, many times, it REALLY wasn't easy. First of all, when these big dominant guys are doing it, you don't realise how heavy a human body can be. Simply moving the body suspended, adjusting something, fixing the angle etc... It's heavy! I even ended up bruising my hands, but that was at least partially because I had the wrong technique when I first started out. I also realised that all this fancy japansese bondage you see people do.... If you don't know how to do it exactly right, it shouldn't be used for suspension, because it can get really unsafe really quickly. I tried, and my sub got some bad bruisings as a reward. On our second attempt, I just improvised, doing what I thought would work.... And it worked!

Once he was up there, pretty comfortable and swinging freely, I felt really proud. However, it will take a lot of practice before I can play while tying someone like that, or play with them as they are hanging up there... For now, simply doing the bondage in a way that is safe and comfortable, is tricky enough. I would love to try it again, though, and get some more practice done. Unfortunately, there's no anchor point in my appartement that I would trust enough for this kind of use, so for now my only option is at the BDSM club here in Oslo.

Tight has some fairly interesting bondage gear: A sleep sack and two straight jackets. All these three have been used during our play. I love the sleep sack, because I can make him so incredibly stuck, so quickly. It's comfortable enough that he can sleep in it, but tight enough that there's no way he'll be able to get out on his own. It has two zippers over the crotch area (one in the back, one in the front), which comes in very handy. My only issue with it, and the straight jackets for that matter, is that I loose access to the rest of his body when he's in them. I like to be able to feel his skin.

This month's main focus has been communication and building trust. Like I've said in previous entries, he's hesitant and a bit shy. He doesn't trust immediately and has trouble relaxing and just giving in to me. Bceause he wasn't feeling completely comfortable, I actually wasn't able to make him come the first two or three weeks we played.However, after a week of abstinence on his part I finally made it happen. It hasn't been easy after that either, but it's getting better. With no abstinence, I was still able to make him come this weekend.

Male ejaculation isn't really important to me, but when he struggled so much with it, I became very interested all of a sudden. Whatever he finds difficult or embarassing or tricky... That typically intrigues me more. For example, I made him wear high heels the other day, and he walked like a drunken goose on stilts. It was hilarious! I'll probably make him do it again, simply because it humiliates him. Besides, like all the men I get to know these days, he's got a fetish for crossdressing. He needs to learn how to walk on heels, if only for crossdressing purposes.

In our exploration of CBT, which is a new area for me as well, Tight has bought a humbler. We've used it twice so far, and I know he likes it a lot. I'm not wholely convinced, though. It seems to inflexible (tricky to change positions and such) and too much as though it's outside of my control. He could easily harm himself if the humbler got twisted around or stuck in something, for example.

For CBT, and especially ball-stretching purposes, I much perfer rope bondage. I know Tight loves that as well. Whenever I start to wrap ropes around his cock or balls, he instantly gets turned on. I've done this is semi-public a couple of times, to great effect. *grin* I started off with my regular 5mm linnen hemp rope, but I found it to be too thick for this kind of bondage. Tight got a hold of a thinner (3mm or 4mm I think) syntetic rope which we use instead. It's not as comfortable against the skin, but it enables me to do much more before I run out of space to work. I've also tried using flat shoelaces on his cock and balls, which also worked fairly well, though I don't like the stretchiness of the laces. It makes my knots more tricky to open, and I have a feeling it's less safe in the long run, because the tightness doesn't always stay the way I tied it.

As for CBT in general, I still feel like a novice in this area. I've read a couple of guides online and checked out a few wiki articles, and I have a fairly decent understanding of anathomy to begin with... But I've never seen it done (other than in porn) on anyone else, nor have I talked to anyone with much experience in the field. I've been experimenting a bit on my own, but I still feel far from certain about this stuff.

The first weekend of March, there'll be a BDSM conferance in Norway. This year, it takes place in Trondheim. I didn't get to participate last year, but this year it'll all worked out and I will be going. I'm very much looking forward to this. I haven't seen much of the BDSM scene in Trondheim since I moved away from there almost two years ago. I know there will be BDSM people from all over the country, and I'm ofcourse looking forward to seeing them as well. This year's subject is close to my heart: Safer BDSM. This will involve a discussion about consent, as well as several workshops.

After the conferance, there'll be a BDSM/fetish party called Baroque. Normally, I wouldn't be interested in a party with that much of a fetish focus, but Tight will be going to Trondheim for the conferance as well and I want to take him to the party. Partially to show off my new sub, and partially to play with him and have fun in a new venue.

So yeah, this was a long and somewhat rambling blog entry about all the fun stuff going on with my new sub. Hopefully, I'll be able to write some more later this week. I still feel there's loads I haven't talked about. His various sub spaces, for example. Or my new experiences with top drop. Oh well, next time.

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