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"When he didn’t reach out to touch me, never looked for the places he could slide his fingertips and make me moan like I had looked for his, I didn’t know any conclusion to draw except that he didn’t want me. That he tolerated my attention because he was getting off on it, but felt no desire to reciprocate. And why would he? I already had a lifetime of social conditioning telling me my body could not be sexy; this was just more evidence." -labcoatlingerieAnd this is true for me. I have quite a lot of confidence in my abilities, my skills and my mental capacities. But I have very little confidence about my physical appearance. It's easy for me to find excuses or explanations as to why someone might seem to desire me, when my body is nothing worthy of desire.
"But I’m still afraid, always, that no matter how much a lover likes me as a person they’re only putting up with my body. That no assertive touch means no desire. That asking for what I want is imposing. It makes it hard to find confidence when I want to dominate" - labcoatlingerieAnd this is it, exactly. Tight is afraid of imposing, afraid of going to far and afraid of being told off. And so he hesitates. He's gotten used to having a hand placed on my arm or leg, because I keep placing his hands there, but going as far as stroking my arm? That's rare. And let's just forget touching me anywhere else. Even after last weekend, when he saw me nude and we slept in the same bed: Still, he might place a hand on me, but not stroke or pet me.
"Accepting exchanged power, without ever feeling in control, is not dominating."Is that true? To some extent, I believe it is. If you don't feel in control, and yet you are attempting to control another person, you are not dominating. You are acting. The other person might not know that you are, if you are good, but that doesn't make it dominance. It's just make-belief.