Saturday, September 17, 2011

Desirable? Me?

Last Saturday, I played with a new guy. I'm naming him F. He's been in the scene for a while. He's cool looking, always seems confident and popular... Just the sort of guy I'd never try to play with. I'm simply to afraid of rejection. He smokes cigarettes, and he knows I hate smoking (I'm fairly vocal about that). Thing is, he's decided to quit smoking, and wanted someone to help him stick to that promise.

So at the party on Saturday, he'd actually approached my fiancé (T) and asked him if he'd be ok with me and F playing together. T gave him the all clear, and seemed fairly amused to be asked in the first place. When I got off work (I'd been working at the bar in the club for the first part of the evening), T told me that F seemed pretty keen on playing with me. I was surprised, because I'd never expected that he'd actually be interested in ME.

Not letting such an oportunity slip away, I went and talked to him. He agreed to play with me and so we did. Before starting out, he'd told me a bit about what he was into (which included breath play, which you know I enjoy). Our play wasn't anything heavy. A bit of bondage, some spanking, some tickling and some light breath play. Mostly just trying things out, to see what worked on him and what didn't. Getting to know his reactions and figuring out what made him tick. I was fairly happy about my performance, but it wasn't anything I haven't done a hundred times before.

The really interesting bit happened the next day. I got a message from him on Fetlife, thanking me for a great evening and saying that I'd fulfilled one of his fantasies. He'd apparently wanted to play with me for quite some time!

I got truly surprised by this. Actually fantazising about playing with me, having thought about it for some time... I mean.. Wow! I've been back in the scene in Oslo for just about a year, and don't feel as though I have THAT much experience as a Dom anyway (about a year with regular, intense play, and three years before that with random, light play). Sure, he's seen me around at the club playing with others. And sure, there is a lack of female dominants in this scene as in all others. But I've seen him too. He's been fairly active, playing with women I concider to be much more experienced (and about 10 years older) than me. I didn't even think that he'd noticed me, much less desired to play with me.

Ofcourse, he could be lying. He could just try to flatter me, as I'm not that confident and compliments are a great way of making me really pleased. He could just be trying to ensure that he's got someone to play with, and makes due with me. These are all posibilities, and I think they are probable. But I don't think he's lying outright. I think he enjoyed what I did to him and what to experience it again. And I think he might actually have noticed me before and wanted to play with me for some time... It's hard to believe, for someone with as low confidence as I, but I really, really WANT to believe him. Because if it was true, and he really did desire me, then that would do great things for my self esteem.

Monday, September 5, 2011

A busy weekend.

There's a lot of stuff going on these days. A lot of people. I can't possibly keep a record of everything, but I'll give you guys a summary at least.

T and I are doing good these days. At least I think we are. We're both working full time, which leaves little time and even less energy to do much else. But we've had an evening or two each week relaxing together on the couch, waching TV-series or just talking. Those evenings are the best part of the week.

Still playing, and there are bruises to prove it. We met up on Friday AND on Sunday. So it's been a busy weekend. He's been sick a couple of times these past two weeks, and I worry it's something about his inner ear or sense of balance, as he describes it as being sea-sick. Trying to convince him to see a doctor.

A new guy I've played with twice now. Met him through a BDSM youth group, and brought him along to the BDSM club I frequent the most. We played and it was fun. Met up again on Saturday, this time in his appartement. Did bondage, teasing and spanking. (He really can't take much pain at all.) Ended up with having him jerk himself off. It felt natural and right that I never had my clothes off and he didn't have anything to do with my sexuality. He's moving abroad in about a month anyway, so I don't care to get further involved with him. This was just a bit of fun.

Not into BDSM, he's a friend I've known for a few years. We've been flirting for about a year, since he left his girlfriend of 15+ years. He's got low self-esteem and I thought it would be good for him to have someone pay him attention and tell him what a nice guy he is. I spent the night at his place on Saturday, and we flirted and cuddled. A lot of hugs and a few kisses, a bit of fubling but nothing below the belt. I slept next to him, but I was fully dressed. So fairly innocent, really. I think he might hold the record of the oldest man I've ever kissed, though.

And me...? I'm getting more involved in the BDSM club here. Tomorrow, I'll be giving the tour and the introductory lecture for all new members. And on Saturday, I'll be tought how to run the bar at parties. :)