Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hurting people

Chatting with a masochist from another city today, I realised something: I really, really miss being Sadistic towards someone. Hurting someone, making them groan and shout.

Notice I didn't write Dominate, as I'm mainly attracted to the Sadistic part of it all. Sure, I can make up rules and such.. But really, what I want is to physically hurt and humiliate someone. Tie him up. Make him take whatever I do to him.

Him. A man. CBT (Cock and Ball torture) is also something I've realised that I like doing. But with a moderation, obviously! I would never do anything that might actually harm those precious parts. For some reason I consider the genitals of a woman a lot more intimate than those of a man. Perhaps because a man's is easier to access... I don't know. I just don't feel that grabbing a man's cock and balls is that intimate. Touching a woman's clit or putting something in her seems SO much more like sex to me. I don't know why. Perhaps because I'm a woman myself.

Another reason why I'd prefer a man to torture is because men have to be so brave all the time. So closed up. So solid. I like the power I'm given when I'm being sadistic towards someone and they're ok with it. Deep down, I do believe they're slightly mad.. But as long as they seem sane and can take conscious decisions, I guess I just have to be ok with it. They are letting me. They want me to. So I do it. And I love it!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Touching is what I prefer

So yeah: The party.

Very little happened to me this time, other than being cuffed and tied up when I was supposed to go in a car and pick up someone who'd just arrived down by the road. I had a great time, but as I was so tired we (me and T) found it best to leave me more alone than we did the last time. That doesn't mean I wasn't active, though!

First I took part in tying up a young girl. Let's name her DF for now. A couple of the others went at her with a bull whip. She loved every second and I was glad I was part of the aftermath of that session. She needed support and encourangement, which I was happy to give her. I like being there for people when they need it.

Later, I wrestled with another girl on the floor, wached by a bunsh of men. I don't think I've named anyone M yet, so she'll get that name. I knew I could take her, as I'm almost twice as heavy as her. Then I held her down while testing different tools on her buttocks: Crop, paddles, whips etc. A lot of fun for us both. It was also a bit challenging as I've never done anything similar with her before and didn't know how far to push her.

Later that same evening, she got tied up and blindfolded. I was allowed to play more with her, and this time that included clamps. Again: A lot of fun. During the entire time, her bf was there waching us. I looked to him for guidance, and would have felt much more insecure without him.

From these incidents I learnt that I prefer a hands-on approach to BDSM rather than being further away. I like body contact, intimacy, the feeling of someone's skin under my hands. Which is probably the main reason why I prefer paddles and crops to longer whips. The former also gives me much more presicion when I hit (both strength and location), which is something I appreciate. But like I said, most of all I like touching.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Another BDSM Party

This is more a memo to myself than a blog entry to any of you:

I must remember to write about the BDSM party I was at last weeked. Even though I was exhausted before we even began, it was still alot of fun.

I don't have time to write now, but maybe in a week or two... Perhaps.